Beautiful Day!

Good Morning World! I am in love with my creator! He has BLESSED me in so many ways.

And yet, I feel grouchy this morning. What is up with this? Maybe because I stayed up too late and have been staying up too late for a bout a week now? Or because the girls were sick and I'm still recovering? And the fact that I had a chiro treatment yesterday and then went and cleaned house right after. Yeah, that was dumb! OUCH! Lol! Ah, well, life goes on.

So my to do list is pretty long today. And since I am kinda stuck at home (I left my purse at mom's), it's time some things got done. The yard needs a little help and it's really been a while since we had to mow but parts of it need to be mowed. Oooohh, hard work! Might take 20 minutes, lol! That was sarcasm for those of you that can't hear my voice. My yard isn't big enough to be considered a yard if you would ask my opinion, but there is some grass there at least. I love big spaces where you can lay in the grass and stare up at the sky.  I should really trim some branches too, there is almost no sunshine hitting the ground in front of the house. Yes, it's nice to have shade but there is mold growing on the side of the shed because it just can't dry out very well. And the bottom of the trailer is very wet! Not good!

So anyway- there are dishes sitting on the counter waiting for someone with enough courage to wash them. They stayed there yesterday because I had quite the busy day and was exhausted when I got home. Still--- there should be a 'no excuses' law in this household with punishments attached. Maybe I would get more done that way, lol. I seriously have struggled with my self-discipline since Ronnie has been gone. Before that, the thought of 'I don't feel like it' was not even there. Then along came Ronnie and just totally TOOK it from me. BEWARE- the power of association!!  It is really powerful!! Now the work involved to get it back is strange indeed! My mom had taught me as a child not to make excuses but this time I have to teach myself and let God do some work in me to change mindsets. God has done so much already this past year, but I know there is still a long way to go. And I am thankful every day for all HE does!

I wish I could change my circumstances immediately, but God says I have to work harder for it, oh darn, lol! 

And now- OH MY! Elijah has poison oak all over his face! What do I do to get through to this child STOP SCRATCHING!!! He keeps scratching and scratching and has had it now for almost a month. I am so at my wit's end with him. He is so allergic to it, he could literally die if I don't deal with it and he doesn't seem to get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Steroids is the only thing that has knocked it out yet this year....he got a cream a few weeks ago, but it hasn't taken care of it.HELP!! Why!!!!!??? I have enough to do without having to put stuff on his face every hour. And since it's right by his eyes, I don't even know if I should! I'd rather cry right now then deal with this again!!!

And here I titled this post beautiful day..... yes, it still is, it's just looking a little discouraging to me at the moment. Hope you all have a good Saturday- those who might read this, lol!

Life

So here it is, supposedly the second day of school. Is Elijah in school? No- the poison has struck again! Ay yi yi! So now he's taking allergy pills and  dousing himself with a baking soda and vinegar solution every so often. I'm praying it will work again this time. Never know what will work.

So anyway- I was looking forward to him being back in school because it just is so crowded in this little house when everyone is home. Hello! How's a mom supposed to clean? It's like shoveling snow in a blizzard- not very effective.

This last week was pretty rough. I didn't think it would hit me so hard that it's been a year now since Ronnie left. But- it hit hard! Rendered me incapable of taking care of everything. Smacked me again right between the eyes that I'm alone with 3 kids. Physically, financially and emotionally. Yet God reminded me that HE is my husband, my provider, my Jehovah-Jireh. I am ever so thankful for my Savior!  Without Him, I am nothing. I would be lost forever, probably homeless and without my children. I have a home, a car, clothes on my back, air conditioning, children who love me, a mom who is amazing, a church family, and so much more that I can't even fit on here.

With all that being said, I am struggling so hard to make ends meet financially. HOW am I supposed to do this? I now have the ability to make big profits, but finding the resources and time to do it is almost crazily hard. With 2 babies to pay a babysitter for when there's hardly enough money to pay a phone bill, how do I do that? And in order to work, I need to figure it out. I pray and I pray, yet God says "Wait on me, I will take care of you". What?!?!?! Wait- for how much longer??!!??!?? I feel like I've been waiting for forever. I'm sorry Lord, I know you are God of all, I just don't understand. Please, forgive my unbelief.  Why would God WANT to take care of me, I've completely messed up my life in every way. I get judged by it every day from someone! Yet God loves me. I still feel so unlovable.  My son's Father doesn't help it!

This was my weekend to have my son. He was with his Dad working out of state with the agreement that when they got into town, he would contact me and then I can come get Lyndon. That never happened. So Saturday comes and I finally call him. They are out riding four-wheelers and he never gets the message till too late, I was gone for the evening. (Or so he says) So Sunday afternoon he tell me I can come pick him up. Right!! An hour away and then take him back in 3 hours!!! Are you nuts!?!?!?!?! Good grief! He has always been this disrespectful and I am SO sick of it!! Makes me feel like crap.

OK, I'm starting to feel a little better. Sometimes a woman just needs to vent! Whew! 

Attitude

So here is how my day started out.........

Got woke up at 3:30 AM to my 22 month old crying, wanting into my bed...hmmm, fine! So I grab her, plop her down and we both go (hopefully) back to sleep. Nope! She pukes on my pillow, sheets, me, and herself! Dinner, dessert and milk.....yeah, u can imagine! So I rinse us both off and grab the sheets, rinse them and throw them in the washer. Now I give her some Virus be gone stuff and something to take down her temp and we lay down again. Now I really want to sleep, but I know what usually happens when she's sick. Puking every 5 minutes, usually NOT into  the bucket. But- I laid down anyway, praying for mercy!  

By the way- I had my first appointment this morning to sell some candles! And I canceled it due to the sick daughter....I REALLY needed this appointment!!! 

Amazingly, she sleeps and there is no more puking! Wow!! First time for everything! Woohoo! Praise The Lord!!! *sigh* OK, now- breakfast.....

"Mom, this milk smells funny! I think it's spoiled!" "OK, well- we will just take a bike ride to the store and pick up a few things but we will have to eat something else for breakfast, I guess." Hahahaha! We eat, get the bikes ready and get the girls strapped in.....and it looks like it wants to pour rain! OK, so we went about a quarter of a mile, turned around and came back- JUST a the rain started! OK- scratch that idea!

Now what, Lord!? What do I do to make this day productive? And what was his answer? "Love yourself" Wow! He knew my thought better than I did, 'cause I was getting mad at myself for my situation, since it's my fault! And getting mad at my husband who took off and has never helped with anything. Now I have 4 kids, no support whatsoever and I am blaming! Ay yi yi! I know better! But- I AM HUMAN!! OK- it is WAY past attitude check time!!

How do I- aha! That's where the problem is! God is in control, not me. Yet, I still catch myself thinking 'how will I'......... So God reminds me that HE is our Provider, Father to the fatherless, my DADDY, my GOD!! Praise Him!! Now my attitude is adjusted, I can go on with a smile on my face- knowing HE is in charge, HE orders our steps. I love you, Lord!! Thank you!