So I haven't been blogging and got inspired to do so again by a funny guy who has a great blog up and running. My life has changed so much this year and I think I'm reeling in shock right now. First I was running around like a headless chicken just trying to do small odd jobs to put gas in my tank, then it upgraded to a part time job, now my part time job has turned into a different part time job for the same boss. Strange happenings, I know. But I have a GREAT boss and wouldn't want to lose it for anything.
I had a wonderful babysitter and then things changed and things happened that I can't really go into now. I've lost a friend. Not only did I lose a friend, I lost a whole family. I am sad beyond what I can handle today and not sure how to let it out. The kids are around a little too much and I'm one of those people that needs alone time to digest things. :( So here I sit. One child asleep in her bed, the other on the floor behind me with a pillow and blankets, another outside with his buddy and the oldest in school. Some days I wish my husband was still here, but hahaha, that would not be good either. Then I really wouldn't have alone time.
I should be doing my real estate. I constantly feel guilty if I'm not being productive and it's so exhausting. Why do I think it's not acceptable to relax sometimes? Why am I so hard on myself? Maybe because my mom was? Good grief, she's still hard on me. Just last weekend she made a comment that was a little crazy. Now before you go off getting upset and saying I'm disrespecting my mother, you might want to get the details. I love my mom, don't know what I'd do without her. However, she has some unhealthy thought patterns that has transferred to me and while I'm working on changing those, she is not. Hence....the craziness sometimes.
For example.....I am in the middle of divorce proceedings. The only reason for that is the fact that he almost killed me. That was not even enough for me to file for divorce though. You see, I wear the 'stigma' of being divorced already and I was (and sometimes still am) determined to stay married no matter what. After all, when I said 'I do' I meant I will. But- he strangled me and literally I was NOT breathing!! It took me 2 days to get away from him and call a friend who then convinced me to call the authorities. This was still not enough to wake me up. This was in November. He went to jail for 9 months, got out, lied his way back into the house (I bought it *puke* because I wasn't far enough in my healing to recognize it), I figured out within 1 week that this was stupidity on my part but he REFUSED to leave! After all, once you're married, everything you've worked so hard for is now HIS and He was claiming the house. So...I left in the middle of the night for the second time and finally figured out how to get him out of the house so I'd have a home for me and the kids, and then I find out I'm PREGNANT again. OOOOO MY!! So....Christmas day he broke into the house (restraining order means nothing to him) and stole my boys' PS2 which was a Christmas gift, my wedding ring, all DVD's and games, CD's, and computer and home phone. Last straw!! You mess with my kids, you mess with a Momma Bear!! I can't press charges because we're legally married and he legally has rights to whatever he wants. So-- divorce papers are filed by January 1 just so I can protect myself and my babies. My boys are ANGRY!!! Can you blame them?!
OK, so I said all that to preface what my mom said-- "So did YOU divorce HIM now?" In a very condescending tone, as if it was ALL my fault and I wasn't good enough. I have to brush it off, knowing it's just where my mom is and she doesn't understand. She is somewhat of a doormat and doesn't know how to stand up for herself, so may times I'll stand up for her when people take advantage. If you order an egg over easy at a restaurant, shouldn't you get the egg over easy?! Not her, if it comes scrambled, she won't say anything. OR if she gets something she doesn't like at all, she just won't eat it but will still pay for it and then just never go back there. Help! If you came to my restaurant and your order was not correct, I would hope you'd give me the chance to correct it instead of just losing your business. Right? Or no?
So anyway, there's my rant for the day. Will anyone even read this? I don't know. All I know is I want to be REAL. Fake people depress me. IF you have something you'd like to say, please comment. I'd love to know what you think about these things. :)
Have a Blessed weekend!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
I'm so excited!
I know, I know, it's after midnight. What the heck am I doing up? Well, Casandra didn't go to sleep till really late and I am just simply too excited to sleep now. I've been listening to Dani Johnson and I plan to head to a seminar on April 30th to see her in person. Now this means I have some serious work to do to get the money together, but I'm OK with that! I am soo ready for my life to change! And I know that if I want something to change, then I have to CHANGE something! Dani went from being homeless and broke to being a millionaire in 2 years so I think she knows something that I don't. And no, it's not just about the money! I want to be able to DO more for others! Hmmm...time to listen! So anyway, you should check her out! She has lots of helpful audios on her site........I love it!! Do you like where you're at in your life? If so, don't worry about it, but if there is a relationship you'd like to see improved or finances, then here ya go! Enjoy!
http://www.danijohnson.com/go/75966971p64
http://www.danijohnson.com/go/75966971p64
Thursday, February 10, 2011
discovery in Proverbs
I just had to share this with you!
I've been reading in Proverbs lately and came across Chapter 11 Verse 22. It says "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion." WOW! That verse really spoke volumes to me! At first I thought, people could really take offense at that. But then, Jesus didn't care who he offended. If someone chose to be offended, he didn't apologize for speaking Truth. So- my thought went to my value. Am I that woman?! No, I'm not! I've made learning a life long decision and I know I'm smart, talented and beautiful. After all, God made me this way. Why should think any differently about myself than what He thinks? Then I realized I was Loved so much more than I was really realizing! Wow! I'm so overwhelmed with LOVE from my Father in Heaven! Oh, how much He loves us!
OK, I disected this verse for all I was worth, lol. First of all- what does it mean when he says "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout..."? That would be stupid, pointless and a waste of gold because a pig uses its snout to root around in dirt all day long. So then if I take the second part of it, "so is a fair woman who is without discretion..." that means God was comparing them with putting a gold 'nose ring' in a pig! LOL!! My Father has quite the sense of humor! So what is a "woman who is without discretion"? Here is one definition I found....Hebrews 5:14 says that its the ability to recognize good and evil. "Solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil." Another definition was "calling on the Holy Spirit to lead or give direction in a matter." It enables a person to establish the presence or absence of God or, a worst case, the activity of an evil power disguised as good. Another one .............
It is the heightened ability to read or hear a teaching, to encounter a problem, or to consider a proposed course of action, and then determine whether the source behind the teaching, problem, or action is divine, merely human, or satanic. This will be a much needed gift near the End of the Age....
In its simplest definition, discernment is nothing more than the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth. In other words, the ability to think with discernment is synonymous with an ability to think biblically.
There, that was the last one I found that I could put in here. I'm so intrigued and so thankful that I found this verse and that God loves me!
Hope it gives you some food for thought! :)
I've been reading in Proverbs lately and came across Chapter 11 Verse 22. It says "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion." WOW! That verse really spoke volumes to me! At first I thought, people could really take offense at that. But then, Jesus didn't care who he offended. If someone chose to be offended, he didn't apologize for speaking Truth. So- my thought went to my value. Am I that woman?! No, I'm not! I've made learning a life long decision and I know I'm smart, talented and beautiful. After all, God made me this way. Why should think any differently about myself than what He thinks? Then I realized I was Loved so much more than I was really realizing! Wow! I'm so overwhelmed with LOVE from my Father in Heaven! Oh, how much He loves us!
OK, I disected this verse for all I was worth, lol. First of all- what does it mean when he says "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout..."? That would be stupid, pointless and a waste of gold because a pig uses its snout to root around in dirt all day long. So then if I take the second part of it, "so is a fair woman who is without discretion..." that means God was comparing them with putting a gold 'nose ring' in a pig! LOL!! My Father has quite the sense of humor! So what is a "woman who is without discretion"? Here is one definition I found....Hebrews 5:14 says that its the ability to recognize good and evil. "Solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil." Another definition was "calling on the Holy Spirit to lead or give direction in a matter." It enables a person to establish the presence or absence of God or, a worst case, the activity of an evil power disguised as good. Another one .............
It is the heightened ability to read or hear a teaching, to encounter a problem, or to consider a proposed course of action, and then determine whether the source behind the teaching, problem, or action is divine, merely human, or satanic. This will be a much needed gift near the End of the Age....
In its simplest definition, discernment is nothing more than the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth. In other words, the ability to think with discernment is synonymous with an ability to think biblically.
There, that was the last one I found that I could put in here. I'm so intrigued and so thankful that I found this verse and that God loves me!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Updates!
Today is another day from our Creator! God is good and I am a BLESSED lady! The temperatures feel like Summer has decided to stay, but I think I'll believe my calendar. Fall has to come sometime, especially here in IN. Maybe I should move to Montana and experience a real Winter this year! It sure is tempting!
Can't wait to travel again. Spring 2012, here we come! Montana, old friends, and who knows where else I might end up? My true self is adventurous, the kids have just kinda slowed me down for now. :) I miss my team and all the traveling that came with it.
Some friends were here last night and some of the things she said just blew my mind! They came to show me a business opportunity and she said I was the first person she thought of when she saw it because she knows that I can do anything. (her words, not mine) She believes in me that much. Wow, do I feel like a heel! I don't even believe in myself that much anymore. Sadly, it's been hard to convince myself that I can do anything again. Some days I'd rather cry than try. And then I think 'stop feeling sorry for yourself and get off your arse and DO SOMETHING' with your life. No, I would never talk to anuone else like that, but I've always been that hard on myself. It is time I stop it and realize that I am not a superwoman. I am human and I shouldn't expect more from myself than I do from anyone else!
With that being said, I am going to get my hair cut as soon as the youngest munchkin wakes up. :) YAY! I have not had my hair cut by a professional in probably almost a year, I keep doing it myself. But it is getting to me. It's long and yet really thin because it keeps falling out the last 2 months! AGH!! I know, just post baby stuff going on, but still! Please!
For some reason this week has been tough. Today I decided to pamper myself a little and so I have a book that I read a little bit of and this morning I had a candle burning. It was so nice! The candle smells so good, it makes you want to eat it! Makes the whole house smell good! I had ordered this candle off my supplier just so I can see the quality and was hoping to sell it eventually. Unfortunately I put it into a bag with some other things that were metal and the candle is in a glass container, so you can guess what happened. Yep, it got broken! So now I get to enjoy it. Yes, it was still usable! So I wanted you guys to see it too! You can go get one off my website if you'd like! www.ourfamilyshop.yolasite.com. There are a lot more cute things there, you might just enjoy yourself!
Well, I really need to get off the computer and get some other things done. Hope you have a great evening! God Bless all who read this!
Now go and do something to show someone you appreciate them! You will feel so good afterward!
Can't wait to travel again. Spring 2012, here we come! Montana, old friends, and who knows where else I might end up? My true self is adventurous, the kids have just kinda slowed me down for now. :) I miss my team and all the traveling that came with it.
Some friends were here last night and some of the things she said just blew my mind! They came to show me a business opportunity and she said I was the first person she thought of when she saw it because she knows that I can do anything. (her words, not mine) She believes in me that much. Wow, do I feel like a heel! I don't even believe in myself that much anymore. Sadly, it's been hard to convince myself that I can do anything again. Some days I'd rather cry than try. And then I think 'stop feeling sorry for yourself and get off your arse and DO SOMETHING' with your life. No, I would never talk to anuone else like that, but I've always been that hard on myself. It is time I stop it and realize that I am not a superwoman. I am human and I shouldn't expect more from myself than I do from anyone else!
With that being said, I am going to get my hair cut as soon as the youngest munchkin wakes up. :) YAY! I have not had my hair cut by a professional in probably almost a year, I keep doing it myself. But it is getting to me. It's long and yet really thin because it keeps falling out the last 2 months! AGH!! I know, just post baby stuff going on, but still! Please!
For some reason this week has been tough. Today I decided to pamper myself a little and so I have a book that I read a little bit of and this morning I had a candle burning. It was so nice! The candle smells so good, it makes you want to eat it! Makes the whole house smell good! I had ordered this candle off my supplier just so I can see the quality and was hoping to sell it eventually. Unfortunately I put it into a bag with some other things that were metal and the candle is in a glass container, so you can guess what happened. Yep, it got broken! So now I get to enjoy it. Yes, it was still usable! So I wanted you guys to see it too! You can go get one off my website if you'd like! www.ourfamilyshop.yolasite.com. There are a lot more cute things there, you might just enjoy yourself!
Now go and do something to show someone you appreciate them! You will feel so good afterward!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Well here it is, heading towards fall and cooler temps. I am loving it! Today I went on a bike ride and I was amazed at the weight in the cart just from the 2 babies. WOW! I am out of shape, lol! How did that happen? I've always been able to bike for miles without stress. ha ha! 4 kids later............lol! So anyway, it was fun. We got rained on slightly, nothing major. Just enough to make us wonder whether it was going to pour or wait till later?! It waited. :) The last few days I've spent quite a lot of time outdoors and the house is showing it. Although I think I have to in order to keep my sanity. My baby has been fussy and the 2 year old is fighting a sinus cold and sore throat so if we stay outside at least everybody is happy. :) But then I still have to come back in and face the dishes and dirty floor and the fact that the girls need their baths. Ah, but I love being a mom!
Here's my news for the day- I now have my own business, actually a few of them. I have my own website and also am selling some retail items. I'm more excited about sales because it gets me around people, I think. I love the products, too!! They really are great quality products. Of course, I had to get some things for myself before I could tell every one else this, lol! I love working with people and I love helping people get things they like and need. No, I'm not the kind of sales person who comes pounding on your door and demands that you buy my products because I have the best and cheapest around (which I might) but I believe in making people happy. My reward is in seeing people smile because they are happy with their purchase. So my number one priority is customer service!!! Absolutely!
So I was just looking through some of my items and realized I can get the exact color curtains I've been wanting! Yay! And they're pretty cheap! Only 9.70 a pair for a set of them 58 X 84. So, I'm getting some coral colored curtains for my house. It's seriously time to do some decorating! And if you've ever been here, you know what I mean. I'm not a decorator, but I will try. :) Anyone wanna come over anytime soon? Lol, you can help me redecorate?!
But I need to move on tonight. I have more to do and the house is finally a little more quiet now that the trouble maker is in bed. :) Love and Blessings to all!
Here's my news for the day- I now have my own business, actually a few of them. I have my own website and also am selling some retail items. I'm more excited about sales because it gets me around people, I think. I love the products, too!! They really are great quality products. Of course, I had to get some things for myself before I could tell every one else this, lol! I love working with people and I love helping people get things they like and need. No, I'm not the kind of sales person who comes pounding on your door and demands that you buy my products because I have the best and cheapest around (which I might) but I believe in making people happy. My reward is in seeing people smile because they are happy with their purchase. So my number one priority is customer service!!! Absolutely!
So I was just looking through some of my items and realized I can get the exact color curtains I've been wanting! Yay! And they're pretty cheap! Only 9.70 a pair for a set of them 58 X 84. So, I'm getting some coral colored curtains for my house. It's seriously time to do some decorating! And if you've ever been here, you know what I mean. I'm not a decorator, but I will try. :) Anyone wanna come over anytime soon? Lol, you can help me redecorate?!
But I need to move on tonight. I have more to do and the house is finally a little more quiet now that the trouble maker is in bed. :) Love and Blessings to all!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Beautiful Day!
Good Morning World! I am in love with my creator! He has BLESSED me in so many ways.
And yet, I feel grouchy this morning. What is up with this? Maybe because I stayed up too late and have been staying up too late for a bout a week now? Or because the girls were sick and I'm still recovering? And the fact that I had a chiro treatment yesterday and then went and cleaned house right after. Yeah, that was dumb! OUCH! Lol! Ah, well, life goes on.
So my to do list is pretty long today. And since I am kinda stuck at home (I left my purse at mom's), it's time some things got done. The yard needs a little help and it's really been a while since we had to mow but parts of it need to be mowed. Oooohh, hard work! Might take 20 minutes, lol! That was sarcasm for those of you that can't hear my voice. My yard isn't big enough to be considered a yard if you would ask my opinion, but there is some grass there at least. I love big spaces where you can lay in the grass and stare up at the sky. I should really trim some branches too, there is almost no sunshine hitting the ground in front of the house. Yes, it's nice to have shade but there is mold growing on the side of the shed because it just can't dry out very well. And the bottom of the trailer is very wet! Not good!
So anyway- there are dishes sitting on the counter waiting for someone with enough courage to wash them. They stayed there yesterday because I had quite the busy day and was exhausted when I got home. Still--- there should be a 'no excuses' law in this household with punishments attached. Maybe I would get more done that way, lol. I seriously have struggled with my self-discipline since Ronnie has been gone. Before that, the thought of 'I don't feel like it' was not even there. Then along came Ronnie and just totally TOOK it from me. BEWARE- the power of association!! It is really powerful!! Now the work involved to get it back is strange indeed! My mom had taught me as a child not to make excuses but this time I have to teach myself and let God do some work in me to change mindsets. God has done so much already this past year, but I know there is still a long way to go. And I am thankful every day for all HE does!
I wish I could change my circumstances immediately, but God says I have to work harder for it, oh darn, lol!
And now- OH MY! Elijah has poison oak all over his face! What do I do to get through to this child STOP SCRATCHING!!! He keeps scratching and scratching and has had it now for almost a month. I am so at my wit's end with him. He is so allergic to it, he could literally die if I don't deal with it and he doesn't seem to get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Steroids is the only thing that has knocked it out yet this year....he got a cream a few weeks ago, but it hasn't taken care of it.HELP!! Why!!!!!??? I have enough to do without having to put stuff on his face every hour. And since it's right by his eyes, I don't even know if I should! I'd rather cry right now then deal with this again!!!
And here I titled this post beautiful day..... yes, it still is, it's just looking a little discouraging to me at the moment. Hope you all have a good Saturday- those who might read this, lol!
And yet, I feel grouchy this morning. What is up with this? Maybe because I stayed up too late and have been staying up too late for a bout a week now? Or because the girls were sick and I'm still recovering? And the fact that I had a chiro treatment yesterday and then went and cleaned house right after. Yeah, that was dumb! OUCH! Lol! Ah, well, life goes on.
So my to do list is pretty long today. And since I am kinda stuck at home (I left my purse at mom's), it's time some things got done. The yard needs a little help and it's really been a while since we had to mow but parts of it need to be mowed. Oooohh, hard work! Might take 20 minutes, lol! That was sarcasm for those of you that can't hear my voice. My yard isn't big enough to be considered a yard if you would ask my opinion, but there is some grass there at least. I love big spaces where you can lay in the grass and stare up at the sky. I should really trim some branches too, there is almost no sunshine hitting the ground in front of the house. Yes, it's nice to have shade but there is mold growing on the side of the shed because it just can't dry out very well. And the bottom of the trailer is very wet! Not good!
So anyway- there are dishes sitting on the counter waiting for someone with enough courage to wash them. They stayed there yesterday because I had quite the busy day and was exhausted when I got home. Still--- there should be a 'no excuses' law in this household with punishments attached. Maybe I would get more done that way, lol. I seriously have struggled with my self-discipline since Ronnie has been gone. Before that, the thought of 'I don't feel like it' was not even there. Then along came Ronnie and just totally TOOK it from me. BEWARE- the power of association!! It is really powerful!! Now the work involved to get it back is strange indeed! My mom had taught me as a child not to make excuses but this time I have to teach myself and let God do some work in me to change mindsets. God has done so much already this past year, but I know there is still a long way to go. And I am thankful every day for all HE does!
I wish I could change my circumstances immediately, but God says I have to work harder for it, oh darn, lol!
And now- OH MY! Elijah has poison oak all over his face! What do I do to get through to this child STOP SCRATCHING!!! He keeps scratching and scratching and has had it now for almost a month. I am so at my wit's end with him. He is so allergic to it, he could literally die if I don't deal with it and he doesn't seem to get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Steroids is the only thing that has knocked it out yet this year....he got a cream a few weeks ago, but it hasn't taken care of it.HELP!! Why!!!!!??? I have enough to do without having to put stuff on his face every hour. And since it's right by his eyes, I don't even know if I should! I'd rather cry right now then deal with this again!!!
And here I titled this post beautiful day..... yes, it still is, it's just looking a little discouraging to me at the moment. Hope you all have a good Saturday- those who might read this, lol!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Life
So here it is, supposedly the second day of school. Is Elijah in school? No- the poison has struck again! Ay yi yi! So now he's taking allergy pills and dousing himself with a baking soda and vinegar solution every so often. I'm praying it will work again this time. Never know what will work.
So anyway- I was looking forward to him being back in school because it just is so crowded in this little house when everyone is home. Hello! How's a mom supposed to clean? It's like shoveling snow in a blizzard- not very effective.
This last week was pretty rough. I didn't think it would hit me so hard that it's been a year now since Ronnie left. But- it hit hard! Rendered me incapable of taking care of everything. Smacked me again right between the eyes that I'm alone with 3 kids. Physically, financially and emotionally. Yet God reminded me that HE is my husband, my provider, my Jehovah-Jireh. I am ever so thankful for my Savior! Without Him, I am nothing. I would be lost forever, probably homeless and without my children. I have a home, a car, clothes on my back, air conditioning, children who love me, a mom who is amazing, a church family, and so much more that I can't even fit on here.
With all that being said, I am struggling so hard to make ends meet financially. HOW am I supposed to do this? I now have the ability to make big profits, but finding the resources and time to do it is almost crazily hard. With 2 babies to pay a babysitter for when there's hardly enough money to pay a phone bill, how do I do that? And in order to work, I need to figure it out. I pray and I pray, yet God says "Wait on me, I will take care of you". What?!?!?! Wait- for how much longer??!!??!?? I feel like I've been waiting for forever. I'm sorry Lord, I know you are God of all, I just don't understand. Please, forgive my unbelief. Why would God WANT to take care of me, I've completely messed up my life in every way. I get judged by it every day from someone! Yet God loves me. I still feel so unlovable. My son's Father doesn't help it!
This was my weekend to have my son. He was with his Dad working out of state with the agreement that when they got into town, he would contact me and then I can come get Lyndon. That never happened. So Saturday comes and I finally call him. They are out riding four-wheelers and he never gets the message till too late, I was gone for the evening. (Or so he says) So Sunday afternoon he tell me I can come pick him up. Right!! An hour away and then take him back in 3 hours!!! Are you nuts!?!?!?!?! Good grief! He has always been this disrespectful and I am SO sick of it!! Makes me feel like crap.
OK, I'm starting to feel a little better. Sometimes a woman just needs to vent! Whew!
So anyway- I was looking forward to him being back in school because it just is so crowded in this little house when everyone is home. Hello! How's a mom supposed to clean? It's like shoveling snow in a blizzard- not very effective.
This last week was pretty rough. I didn't think it would hit me so hard that it's been a year now since Ronnie left. But- it hit hard! Rendered me incapable of taking care of everything. Smacked me again right between the eyes that I'm alone with 3 kids. Physically, financially and emotionally. Yet God reminded me that HE is my husband, my provider, my Jehovah-Jireh. I am ever so thankful for my Savior! Without Him, I am nothing. I would be lost forever, probably homeless and without my children. I have a home, a car, clothes on my back, air conditioning, children who love me, a mom who is amazing, a church family, and so much more that I can't even fit on here.
With all that being said, I am struggling so hard to make ends meet financially. HOW am I supposed to do this? I now have the ability to make big profits, but finding the resources and time to do it is almost crazily hard. With 2 babies to pay a babysitter for when there's hardly enough money to pay a phone bill, how do I do that? And in order to work, I need to figure it out. I pray and I pray, yet God says "Wait on me, I will take care of you". What?!?!?! Wait- for how much longer??!!??!?? I feel like I've been waiting for forever. I'm sorry Lord, I know you are God of all, I just don't understand. Please, forgive my unbelief. Why would God WANT to take care of me, I've completely messed up my life in every way. I get judged by it every day from someone! Yet God loves me. I still feel so unlovable. My son's Father doesn't help it!
This was my weekend to have my son. He was with his Dad working out of state with the agreement that when they got into town, he would contact me and then I can come get Lyndon. That never happened. So Saturday comes and I finally call him. They are out riding four-wheelers and he never gets the message till too late, I was gone for the evening. (Or so he says) So Sunday afternoon he tell me I can come pick him up. Right!! An hour away and then take him back in 3 hours!!! Are you nuts!?!?!?!?! Good grief! He has always been this disrespectful and I am SO sick of it!! Makes me feel like crap.
OK, I'm starting to feel a little better. Sometimes a woman just needs to vent! Whew!
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